If I Fell
by legaldruglover
Summary: Prequel to "I want to Hold Your Hand" touching on what happened to Leon to make him so depressed. Leon finds out one of many ways love can hurt. I'm going to make a sequel soon, so keep watch. Will take vote on couples in college and open to any ideas.


Hitomi: Ok here is another little one shot within the same story as my other story "I Want to Hold Your Hand" I like LeonXChris, my fav. Resident Evil couple. But, even though there are CXL parts, I highly doubt, if I continue to write this, that it will turn out like that. Please R+R tell me what you think.

**If I Fell**

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Large gentle hands caressed blushing cheeks and ran through blond hair. Leon lifted his blue eyes to Chris's own chocolate ones. He was so happy, so very happy. The man of his dreams grinned down at him. They were perfect for each other. Perfect.

Leon groaned as he held his head. Don't remember, it makes it easier. Block out the pain. It had been only two months without his touch that he had been so accustomed to for the past three years, the only touch that he knew, and yet he still could not get Chris out of his head. It didn't help that they went to school together, and his mother had became quite enraged when he quit going to his wrestling and track team meets, so he was forced to watch Chris ignore him. Sometimes it would seem Chris would be with Ada around him just to make the boy depressed all over again. More often than not, Leon found himself in the library or a bathroom stall. Even now, he had left class early to sit amongst many books, most of which he had read from cover to cover. In the past these books had given him an out, a way to put up with all of life's twists. Yet the smallest things reminded him of the one thing in the world he wanted. He didn't cry as much anymore, yet it still hurt just as bad, and that hurt was the only thing to fill the emptiness in his chest.

He felt more than heard someone approaching him. Leon closed his eyes, waiting for the person to address him as he massaged his temple. It wasn't Chris, he told himself, Chris would always refuse to come in here, hating the very sight of most books, unless it was a comic book. Waiting he stroked the spine of the book in his hands as it rested on the oak table that he sat at.

"Thought I'd find you here," tired blue eyes shot open, surprise being one of the first strong emotions besides sadness that they had held for weeks now. Looking up to his side Leon saw Luis standing next to him, a look of sadness and perhaps anger in his mocha colored eyes. Leon lost himself in those eyes for only minutes, before reminding himself that they didn't hold the same richness as Chris'. They never could be Chris' eyes.

Leon shrugged and looked to the side. Luis was the only one who had known about him and Chris. He remembered how stupid he had been in there sophomore year when Chris finally went out with him. Luis had tried to tell him it was a bad idea, that it would only hurt him in the end. He hadn't listened, how could anyone as sweet and kind as Chris hurt him? Now he knew the answer that Luis had tried to give him so many times. The day Chris had left him Leon had drove himself over to Luis' house, burst in with tears streaming down his face, demanding to see Luis.

"Look," a hand, large and calloused, landed on his shoulder, and he soon relaxed under a much needed back rub, groaning as the Spanish student moved behind him to use both hands on the taut muscle," Friday, after school, is the graduation party. I know you're avoiding Chris and all, but you need to move on. I know its not going to come easy but this is part of it. If you want I can uninvited him and Ada-"

"No," Leon found his voice finally to cut off the man's beautifully accented voice," No…. I'll go. He can come, you're right this is. . .this is part of the healing process. I need to get this over with. Not like . . . we were going to see each other after graduation anyways."

His voice came out uncaring but his heart ached at those words. It had been true; Leon was already signed into a high raking college, whilst Chris was signing up for the military.

The man behind him sighed and murmured some Spanish. Leon smiled. He loved the language; he thought it was beautiful, so when Luis ever said anything in his native language, it would help Leon catch his breath.

"Ai yai yai! Listen to me my friend," Luis kneeled down and looked Leon straight in the eye," Leon. I am you're friend. You are someone who is very important to me. I do not wish to see you hurt, especially if it is for some guy who wants to keep a clean public image. I am here for you, remembering that. I will be here for you at the party. If you need me, or anyone, don't forget that."

They looked deep into each other's eyes for a moment before Leon glanced away. Luis was such a good friend. He had met him a year before he had Chris. Thinking of Chris brought a familiar weight on his chest. It was a feeling that he would not allow to surface so he found himself standing and waving Luis to follow him.

"I'm hungry," was his excuse.

~~1`~~~~

He was tired. Tired of many things, and at the top of the list, people stood in the number one slot. Human contact had been very hard for him before Chris left, now it was almost unbearable. Leon had went dodging people, with their smiles and hugs, he had turned down offers to hang out, and had ended up hiding in his and Chris' old hang out. Behind the school, on the grounds, there was a recently abandoned building. The school was waiting for summer break to begin renovations, so that year it had been the place he and Chris had met on many occasions, including the two most important points in his life thus far. Both of the memories evolved around Chris.

He sighed. Nothing ever went the way he wanted it to, and this had been something of upmost importance. He raked a hand through his hair. Maybe if he had went out and partied more instead of studying? Maybe if he put less pressure on Chris to do good in school, keep good work ethics, and look presentable. Perhaps if he had became more of a bad ass, and drank and smoked weed like Chris. Leon shook his head. He was even considering changing himself to try and look good in the man's eyes.

After sitting and pondering for a while, Leon noticed the sun was set very low, and the abandoned two room building, with nothing but a couple of desks, chairs, and a whole bunch of blankets and pillows left over from him and Chris, began to darken so everything held a grey hue to it.

He searched his jacket pockets, which lie carelessly over an overturned chair, and found his simple green razor. Flipping it open he found that he had a good handful or two of missed calls, a few from Luis, most from his parents, and two from Chris.

His breath hitched. Chris had tried calling? The boy was always with Ada, the love of his life. Why would he need to call his ex? Especially since said ex was a male, and that was something Chris did not want out to the public's awaiting ears. Leon's heart raced, and millions of thoughts ran through his head, each one more farfetched than the other, yet not something he hadn't dreamt about before.

He sat there. Quickly he checked all his messages, his box being full it took a few minutes, but quickly he found that they were all from his parents, and Luis. None from Chris. Checking his recent missed calls again he saw that Chris had called recently. Had the raven haired ex not been able to leave a message? Guilt filled him and he suddenly began to feel anxious. He should call him, make sure that he wasn't giving off the impression that he didn't want to speak to him. Yet if he called, maybe he could seem too forward. What if Chris had been merely calling for something small, like home work help.

There was a sound from the door, and before Leon could even think to duck and hide, it was wide open. Yet there standing inside it was Chris, looking laid back with a slight smile on his face.

"I knew I would find you here," Leon felt like crying. He felt he hadn't had that voice directed to him for such a long time, that he now felt like jell-o because of it.

Forcing a smile to his face and a shrug of his shoulders he replied casually," yeah. Yah know, school, work, parents. Needed a break that's all. I forgot to tell mom that I was going out, she must be worried."

Chris nodded a confirmation," yeah. Luis called me about an hour ago asking for you. I decided to check here, since no one else knows about it."

At those words Leon felt his heart sink. Chris hadn't wanted to see him; he just was helping everyone find him. Yet at least he showed some concern, it was heartwarming in a way, even if it made Leon a bit sad.

"What's with the face?"Chris grinned and shoved his shoulder playfully. Not in the same hard way he had when they were going out, but gently. Leon wished for more, for any touch from him.

"What face," his front was back up and he was acting like nothing was bothering him." I don't know what you're talking about. Just thinking about how much mom is going to give me a lashing."

Chris thought for a moment then," how about this. Since you're mom loves me oh so very much, how about I come spend the night. She'll be happy someone is there with you."

Leon could only feel himself nodding absent mindedly. He only allowed a small smile out while inside he was screaming, banging on walls. What did Chris want to spend the night for? When he had left Leon, he had made it clear he still wanted to be friends. Was that all, Leon tried to convince himself he was looking at this too deeply. The only reason why Chris suggested it was because they had barely spoken within the past two months and he wanted to rekindle their friendship.

They made their way to Chris's car; he came from a wealthy family and was able to go without work and still have his own car, though Leon's family was doing quite well themselves, even after his father's disappearance.

He called his mother while Chris started the quite engine and began driving them to his house. She picked up on the first ring and he mentally groaned. She was worried, very much so it seemed.

"Leon!"

He winced as her voice came from the receiver and he saw Chris grin at him he stuck out his tong before taking a breath," mother," he paused to wet his lips," I apologize for not calling. It is just that I had a lot of homework and wanted to get away from everything to do it all. I just started doing it and lost track of time. Chris just found me at the library and is taking me home."

He waited for his mother to stop sputtering on the other end, and listened to her chew him out. Then sigh and pause before she continued, they were at his house already, in his room with the t.v on low when she was finally done yelling," that's odd. Luis told me he checked the library."

"Must have missed me. I was in a far corner. I was trying to avoid everyone so I could get my work done. Chris is spending the night, so don't worry."

His mother paused. She could have came home from work, or continue working on the case she had been working on for months. It was a dead case in most people's eyes, yet his mother was stubborn.

"I will see you in the morning," she said clipped, sounding like her professional self once again. Leon hummed an agreeing tone, lying back on his bed, closing his tired eyes. Chris was sitting in a chair across the room and Leon wished he was checking him out. It just looked like it.

"Good night. I'll be up early."

With that he hung up and looked to the t.v. anywhere, he told himself, but at Chris. He didn't know what to do, how to react. All his and Chris's relationship had ever been was sexual; they had hardly been friends before going out. Maybe, he thought sadly, that is why it didn't work out.

"How's work been without me," Chris sounded cheerful and suddenly Leon noticed that he had laid down next to him, grinning like mad. Leon didn't want to seem rude, but his face heated up at the thought of his most recent crush laying so close to him. He scooted to the edge of the bed, trying to make it look like was just turning on his side and getting comfortable before answering.

"Busy. Everyone misses you, said you were the life of the party, yeah know?"Leon shrugged and attempted to keep calm as Chris looked at him deeply.

A calloused hand reached out and brushed some stray hairs from his eyes. Leon felt his face heat up and his breath catch. Even though the boy knew he loved the other, he hadn't felt this way for a while now. The hand laid itself on Leon's shoulder, massaging it gently, before moving down and settling gently on his lap.

"You know Leon," Chris's voice was husky, his eyes filled with an all too familiar desire," It's the last week of school. We're not going to see each other for a while… we could get reeeeal dirty."

That should have told Leon to slap him, to yell at him, yet Leon found himself moving into Chris' touch. He couldn't say no, the all too familiar hope that they could get together again someday lingering in his heart. He could never deny Chris anything, even something as low as this.

That night the house was filled with moans of pleasure and screams of ecstasy.

The music was too loud, the sun too bright, and the people who crowded next to each other, dancing, talking, and laughing where all too much. Leon found himself slowly moving to the very edges of the party, only to be pulled in by Luis. He loved the guy, he truly did, but sometimes he really got on Leons nerves when he was attempting to 'help' him. Luis always believed Leon to be too unsocial. Leon merely chose his friends wisely. Perhaps though, he thought, not his lovers.

"Leon, baby, come on I have someone I want you to meet. He is a very good friend of mine, he goes to Washington too. A sophomore, he could show you around, get you used to the place," Luis had been worried about Leon ever since he found out they would be separating after graduation. Luis himself was going back to a Spain while Leon would be going to Washington.

Leon followed unhappily behind him, keeping his head down, attempting not to look at anyone. He hadn't spotted Chris and Ada yet, but the events of the night before played in his head all too clearly. Chris had insisted on pleasuring him, something he was never very adamant on, and it made Leon uneasy. Why had he done that? Was he feeling guilty?

"Leon!"

Leon found himself jumping as his friends face appeared in his vision, and he forced himself not to give a girlish yelp. Which, by the way, was completely impossible for him to do seeing as how he was so manly and all.

"This, Leon, is my friend Albert. Al, this is Leon," Leon looked up and immediately found his cheeks heat up. In front of him was an absolutely beautiful man. He had chiseled features, blond hair, and deep blue eyes. Those piercing eyes were turned to him, scrutinizing him, and Leon found himself drawn into those full finely shaped lips turning up into a amused smirk.

"Albert Wesker," the man said in a smooth British voice," It is a pleasure to meet you."

Leon found his voice and immediately replied," Leon Kennedy. I heard you go to Washington University too*. Maybe I'll see you there."

"Yes. I came down from Seattle to help with recruiting," Albert was grinning wolfishly and Leon suddenly noticed him in an officer's uniform. His mouth went dry, the man was sexy enough, to mention in a cop outfit. Though, Leon quickly found himself after these thoughts, he wished he could have been the one to first see Chris in his army uniform. That privilege went to Ada. Shaking the thought of the raven haired boy away he forced himself to smile. Chris said he wanted him to be happy, to have fun. So he might as well start trying.

"I'll defiantly be seeing you," Leon had apparently missed some of the conversation but forced himself back to reality.

"I would like that."

Leon found himself smiling for a while after that, getting to know Wesker, talking with Luis, and simply attempting to forget what had been there through high school. He had found himself, to this point, without a shirt and very wet with a laughing Luis and Wesker, and a few of their friends laughing. Leon was about to throw a water balloon when a voice caught his attention.

"Attention! Attention everybody we have a wonderful announcement to make," Leon turned himself to the group of people that had gathered, he supposed it had been for the squealing that had taken up a few minutes before, and saw a red headed boy grinning from ear to ear standing on a table.

"Along with graduation, we have a marriage coming up!"

Cheers went around and suddenly the raven haired beauty that had been with Leon only the night before rose to the table next to the red head, smiling sheepishly. Leon's blood ran cold, and he suddenly couldn't take his eyes from the boy. Chris looked to him before his eyes darted away to the crowed and the announcement of the wedding being held the next month came. Cheers and screams came out as Chris and Ada kissed and hugged.

Leon felt cold. He didn't feel like pushing Luis away, whom was now hugging him from behind and murmuring helpful words into his ear, and he didn't feel like commenting when Luis briefly explained to Albert what was going on. He slowly pulled away and began walking to the edge of the party. He heard Luis call for him, but ignored it. He just wanted to be alone. Going to a lone tree he watched from the edge of the party, everyone else's happiness.

That feeling could never be his own, he decided, even if he waited for a lifetime, Chris wouldn't allow it. Storm clouds began to cover the sun.

The rain was coming.

!~~~~\

HITOMI:All right. Well that was a prequel to "I want to hold your hand". How did you like it. I hope it explained more. If you haven't read "I want to hold your hand, it's a really short one-shot of what happens after this, pretty much Leons really depressed thoughts. I was thinking of making a prequel or sequel to this, yet I am not sure which. The prequel would be from their meeting, going through high school, to here. The sequel would be from college on. Go ahead and tell me what you think I should do.

thnx


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